Last year, you first told me everything about your childhood. How awful it was and that you still suffer from it. I don’t want to write anything specific about what happened, because that is your business and no one has to know everything. You told me that you’re in therapy now and that you suffer from depression.
Depression is a very serious psychological disease, a mental disorder. People who have depressions are often in a low mood, have low self-esteem, loss of interest in normally enjoyable activites and are often tired. It’s not only a regular sadness what some people mistake it for. You sometimes feel like shit and you feel like no one really needs you or wants you in their life, without a reason. The most common cause of a suicid is depression and I have to admit sometimes I’m scared that you feel a lot worse than I think you do, especially the last days/weeks.
“Sometimes it feels like a black hole but sometimes it feels like I need to cry and scream and kick and shout. Sometimes I go quiet and lock myself in my room and sometimes I have to be doing something at all times of the day to distract myself.”
Three weeks ago my grandma died, your mother. In my opinion she was the worst grandma you could possibly have, I don’t even want to think about having her as my mother. I know these past few weeks were extremely hard for you, because it brought back some memories which you probably want to forget. No one who ever had it, will know what it’s really like and I honestly don’t kow what it has to feel like.
The only thing I can tell you is, everything that your mother, my grandmother did wrong, you did it right in the best way I can imagine.
I learnt that you should always think twice about what you say to other people because you absolutely never know what is going on in other people’s lifes, not even in your own mothers life.
I wanna thank you for everything that you’ve done for me and that you support me with every decision I make. Even when your mother was the worst, you were the best one ever.
Sometimes you say things like “No one needs me anyway“ and that is so not true. I need you probably more than anyone else in my life. You’re the most important person to me and I know that you’re not only for me but to many other people on your life. You are not alone.
Just never forget that.
I love you Mum.
If you know someone who is suffering from depression or you suffer from depression yourself. You can find help everywhere.